SEX!

Not the act. When referring to someone’s sex, we will be using it as shorthand for “Sex assigned at birth” This is usually assigned by the doctor or midwife and is based on the infant’s anatomical and other biological characteristics. The 3 assignments are: male, female, or intersex. Under intersex, there is a wide spectrum. It is also possible that an intersex person can be misidentified at birth and not discover their true sex until puberty or even later in life.

GENDER!

The characteristics and roles of folx according to social norms. This includes: socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes.

 Note: Gender exists outside of the individual. 

GENDER IDENTITY!

A person’s inner sense of their gender. Terms that fall under this umbrella are: masculine/male (typically applied to the male sex), feminine/female (typically applied to the female sex), non-binary/NB/androgyne (not adhering to either masculine or feminine), and gender fluid/(someone who goes back and forth between masculine, feminine and NB.) 

 Note: gender-queer is often an umbrella term for anyone who does not fall under the gender binary or masculine & feminine

 Note 2: This is different from gender expression. Which I will not be defining.

CIS-GENDER!

A person who identifies with their sex assigned at birth

TRANSGENDER!

A person who does not identify with their sex assigned at birth. Also known as trans.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION!

How a person characterizes their sexual attraction, or lack thereof to others.

Before I delve into the terms most associated with sexual orientation, I wanted to pause on two that don’t connect to any sex or gender.

 ALLOSEXUAL!

Refers to an individual who experiences sexual attraction of any kind. Allosexual people are not limited by their sexual orientation, the term simply defines the ability to experience sexual attraction.

 ASEXUAL!

Often called “ace” for short, asexual refers to a complete or partial lack of sexual attraction or lack of interest in sexual activity with others. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and asexual people may experience no, little or conditional sexual attraction.

  Note: I will not be delving deeper into the spectrum that falls under ace right now.

HETEROSEXUAL!

A sexual orientation that describes women who are primarily sexually attracted to men, and men who are primarily sexually attracted to women. Also referred to as straight.

GAY!

A sexual orientation describing people who are primarily sexually attracted to people of the same sex and/or gender as themselves. Commonly used to describe men, but also can encompass anyone not straight

LESBIAN!

A sexual orientation describing women who are primarily sexually attracted to other women.

We will not be using the term homosexual due to its use as a slur.

BISEXUAL!

A sexual orientation which describes people who are sexually attracted to people on the binary scale.

PANSEXUAL!

A sexual orientation which describes a person who is sexually attracted to people of all gender identities, or whose attractions are not related to other people’s gender.

Romance spectrum: just like with sexuality there is a spectrum of romantic attraction. As we are talking about sex and sexuality in this community I will not be delving into aromantic and alloromantic.

MONOGAMY!

A term referring to individuals who are intimate or involved romantically with one person at a time.

POLYAMORY!

A term referring to individuals who are intimate or involved romantically with more than one person at a time. This is an umbrella term for a wide spectrum. 

VANILLA!

Sex that involves no twists or kinkiness. Usually described as plain, regular sex. Typically represented as sweet, happy, very lovey dovey. Under the term “vanilla” this can get very personal. So hold space for people whose definition of vanilla might be more of less expansive than your own.

KINK!

Refers to a taste for unconventional sex practices which can be widely defined. An umbrella term. Things that usually fall under kink are: BDSM, CNC, Role Play, 

BDSM!

An acronym and umbrella term standing for: Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. All BDSM involves a consensual power exchange. This acronym describes sex acts or scenes that involve, but are not limited to, using restraints, unequal power dynamics, role playing, granting and relinquishing control, and the infliction of pain with enthusiastic consent by all parties involved. It can also refer to the community of people who participate in these scenes.

 B/D!

Play that can involve physical restraint, rules, and punishment. Often spoken about in terms of sex, but can go beyond a sexual encounter.

 D/s!

Dominant - An individual who derives pleasure from having power and decision making responsibility moved TOWARD them. The Dominant (Dom) does not follow instructions from the other partner(s) and is only limited by previously discussed boundaries set by both parties.  Submissive - An individual who derives pleasure from having power and decision making responsibility moved AWAY from them. The submissive (sub) does not direct their partner, but has set out boundaries of what they are willing/not willing to participate. Let me repeat that: The sub sets the boundaries and the Dom does not cross them. Switch - An individual who can switch between the dominant and submissive role

 S/M!

Sadism - Refers to receiving pleasure, sexual or otherwise, from inflicting intense sensations on and/or humiliating another individual. Masochism - Refers to receiving pleasure from intense sensation and/or humiliation from another individual

PLAY!

Within the BDSM community play refers to participating in a kink or a kinky activity. 

SCENE!

Refers to a play time with predetermined participants, type of play, rules and/or boundaries

SSC!

Safe, Sane, Consensual - refers to the act of performing kinky activities in a safe environment, that both parties are of sound mind and able to consent to the activities, and that all parties involved are enthusiastically consenting to those acts. This is a big part of the BDSM community. There is some debate that the "sane" term of this phrase as being ableist because of the mental health reference that this word implies. Therefore, a new term RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) is being adopted in the community.